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Not the Favorite

Originally posted 2/24/2020.

Becoming a mom was a dream for me. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be a mom. It’s not like I was great with kids or anything. To be honest, I think there are a ton of kids out there who are little shits. I’m not quite sure how teachers and anyone working in childcare deal with so many kids all day, everyday. If you are one of these people, you are a literal angel. Seriously. Heck, some days I can’t even handle my own kids! BUT, I just always knew that being a mom was something I would find fulfilling.

I even naively thought I’d be a cool mom. I mean, don’t most moms think that? Not the kind of mom who is friends with their kids and can’t find that thin line of mom vs friend, but just like a stylish, fun, down-to-earth kind of mom. HA! 

I may be stylish sometimes, but most of the time I’m in leggings and an oversized sweater or t-shirt. I can definitely be fun, but usually my mind is going a million miles a minute trying to figure out how to be both efficient with my daily duties as a wife and mom that I’m not fully present (one of my goals for this year is to work on that!). And down-to-earth?! I mean, sure, sometimes I’ll let them walk on the wild side and not put their coats on them as we go to the car and it’s cold out or eat a cake-pop that’s fallen on the Target floor for two seconds…after the strangers pass and can’t see that I ended up giving it to them of course. But I am always so worried that something will happen to my tiny humans that I have to consciously tell myself “let them be little!”

My point is, I’m not a perfect mom. I’m far from it. I don’t think there is a “perfect” mom out there. I think we are all just trying to do our best so that our kids grow up to be functioning, kind humans. I know that’s my end goal. 

But while I’m here in the thick of the toddler years and four-nagerness, many days SUCK. People always said that parenting is the hardest job in the world, and I always kind of shrugged that off. Boy were they right! And I’m only 4.5 years in! 

For all you new mamas out there, ENJOY THAT BABY! The baby years are EASY! They may be sleepless, but those babies don’t talk back to you, they don’t scream at you, they don’t roll their eyes at you. They just want you to feed them, keep them clean and snuggle them.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids are pretty darn great, but they also have attitudes. They are learning and growing and pushing boundaries all while I am also learning and growing as a parent. It’s hard. What’s even harder is that my family, like many others, has a strange dynamic when it comes to schedules. Half of the time I am the only one doing the parenting. 

If you’re new here, my husband is a police officer. As one can assume, he has an often unpredictable and fluid schedule that can be altered at the last minute.

So here I am parenting, creating schedules, routine, and consistency, and then daddy comes home. Do not twist my words here. I am extremely lucky that 1) we are on the same page on almost everything related to parenting, 2) I have a husband who is very much present and active in our kid’s lives, and 3) that my kids adore their daddy so very much. 

But when daddy comes home, mommy doesn’t matter anymore. 

All those hours I’ve put into loving, teaching, caring and playing go out the window and all attention goes to him (as it should!). Anything and everything must be done with or by daddy. Mommy is no longer existent. Not only do they basically forget that I’m there, but they literally want nothing to do with me. At least that’s how it feels. I can’t sit with them, I can change their clothes, I can’t even bring their food to them without a fit. No! Daddy do! 

As I sit here typing this, I feel guilty and selfish. I know some people will read this and probably think that about me too. What I can tell you is that it’s a real feeling. It’s hard for me to articulate how it really makes me feel, but I also know that I’m not alone in this. There are memes out there about it. 

Exhibit A:

No matter how much I do, daddy is always the best. The thing is, I get it! My husband freaking ROCKS! He is one of those people who is annoyingly good at pretty much everything he does (except basketball, he sucks at basketball). He’s a great police officer, husband and best of all, an incredible dad. He works his ass off to provide for us, and then comes home, puts on the Daddle (check it out!) and trots around on his damn knees like a horse. I get it, he’s great! 

I told my husband last night “This is why we can’t have another baby. I can’t emotionally handle another child who loves you more!” I was only half serious…

Maybe after writing this all out I will feel better. Maybe not. What I’m here to tell you is that whether you’re a mom or a dad that’s NOT the favorite, you’re not alone. You’re still a rockstar. Your kids love you so much. I see you. 

xo-

LB

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